Super Single Mom and Her Side Kids

My classes started yesterday

2012-02-02T12:22:00.002-05:00

I am already overwhelmed. Yes, I am eager and excited and feel so grateful that I am able to return to college and finally finish my degree but I feel so rusty. I am sure this is just a phase and once I get into the classes I will be fine. I just need to push forward.

I can clearly see how my life is going to change. I certainly won’t have time for nonsense! I am really going to look forward to those weekends when the kids are away just so I can get studying done.

I can see how I am going to be glued to my laptop and boy do I wish I had Microsoft Word instead of whatever crap I have.

A second brain would be nice too. It seems like the people in my classes are REALLY smart and professional and I am the opposite. I know, stinking thinking!

I got my academic evaluation back from the college and all of my prior credits have been accepted. I need to take eight classes in total to graduate. Two I am taking now, one is a math class (eww) and the final five classes are all English/Lit classes. Not so bad. It feels great to know that all of my hard work in the past didn’t go to waste. Yet, if I had to start all over again I would have; that’s how important this is to me and my children.

Valentines Day Scrapbook Freebie

2012-02-01T16:14:00.000-05:00

Dees-Deelights is offering free Valentines Day word art. Click HERE to download.

Slugs & Bugs: Under Where?

2012-02-01T09:35:00.001-05:00

Music has always been my secret weapon. I pop on a CD right before bedtime to get out the “wiggles” and tucker the kids out or we listen to CD’s during long car trips. Music works wonders during clean up time and soft lullabies help the kids unwind at bedtime.

We love our dance parties for exercise, we even have a disco ball!

Recently we got a CD called Slugs & Bugs Under Where? by Andrew Peterson and Randall Goodgame. We LOVE it!

The CD has 17 awesome songs. Some of the songs are silly while some of them help the kids learn certain skills such as helping or using the potty. There are some songs that are soft lullabies and some are about how we are all unique, special and loved.

Winterlyn says she thinks it is wonderful and spectacular (those are her exact words!). She likes the song titled Mexican Rhapsody, the silly lyrics are below:

(Cheese dip, cheese dip)

(Cheese dip, cheese dip)
Chips and salsa, chips and salsa

Gee, I wanna chicken enchilada
Gee, I wanna chicken enchilada
Guacamole, guacamole

Put it on my chicken chimichanga
Put it on my chicken chimichangaSteak fajita hold the sour cream
Jalepeño peppers on my nachos!
Rice and beans, a bit of shredded cheese
And some pico de gallo, please
what does “pico de gallo” mean?Beak of the rooster
Beak of the rooster
Sounds kinda pointy!
I don’t want to eat that!

Rooster rooster rooster
Youre the cock-a-doodle-dooster
Of the walk-a-doodle-dooster don’t you know

Keep up that cock-a-doodle keeping
While the neighborhood is sleeping
And they’re gonna turn your beak into some pico de gallo!

Pico de gallo
Fly rooster fly oh

Oh me oh my
Can roosters even fly?
Yes! But not very far.

(Cheese dip, cheese dip)

(Cheese dip, cheese dip)
Taco salad, taco salad

In a crunchy bowl of corn tortilla
How I love a bowl that you can eat-a!

Steak fajita hold the sour cream
Jalepeño peppers on my nachos!
Huevos burrito, special number five
Huevos! Huevos! What are those?
Huevos! Huevos! What are those?Eggs! Scrambled eggs!
Grade A eggs!
Huevos are eggs!
Huevos are eggs!

…Huevos are eggs!

Julian's favorite song on the CD is called Under Where? In the song the singer is looking for his bunny and is told to look under there, to which he responds under wear? Get it? Underwear!! Too cute!

I highly recommend Slugs & Bugs Under Where? Not only do the kids love it but so do I. To listen to samples of songs on the CD click HERE. To learn more about Slugs & Bugs you can visit their BLOG, WEBSITE or FACEBOOK Fan page.

Our Weekend

2012-01-30T09:46:00.002-05:00

How are you doing today dear reader? I know Mondays are always blah, but it’s the beginning of a new week which means I am recharged.

By the time Thursday comes I will be exhausted, trust me!

Jacob, Winterlyn and I spent the entire weekend furniture shopping. I have a very small house with only two bedrooms. The boys share the smaller bedroom and Winterlyn has the larger bedroom. This has worked for us for a few years now. However, the boys are living like sardines and they really need more room.

So, the kids and I were pricing out new beds. The kids are in that “dream” stage where they are thinking about what their new rooms will look like. Winterlyn wants her room to look funky while Julian wants his room to be a combination of Spiderman and Star Wars. Jacob is just really happy to be able to have more room for his guitars and drum set.

So far I really like Bobs Discount Furniture BUT I have read some pretty crappy reviews about them. Next weekend the kids are away and I hope to shop some more without their distractions. Kids’ jumping on floor sample beds is hardly productive!

Valentine Night Strawberries

2012-01-29T15:58:00.003-05:00

Strawberries stuffed with lightly-sweetened cream cheese and walnuts are perfect for that romantic evening. They go great with champagne! Pecans also work well in this recipe.

Ingredients

• 20 fresh strawberries
• 1 (3 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
• 2 tablespoons chopped walnuts
• 1 1/2 tablespoons confectioners' sugar

Directions

1. Dice two strawberries and set aside. Cut the stems off of each of the remaining strawberries, forming a base for strawberries to stand on. Starting at the pointed ends and cutting most of the way, but not completely through the stem end, slice each strawberry into four wedges.
2. Beat the cream cheese until fluffy; stir in the diced strawberries, walnuts, and powdered sugar. Spoon or pipe about a teaspoon of mix into each strawberry.

Valentine Pizza

2012-01-28T15:55:00.002-05:00

Making pizza together is one of our favorite things to do, especially on Valentine’s Day. The crust has a bit of fresh chopped rosemary and the dough is made in a bread machine. There is enough dough for three small pizzas.

Ingredients

• 3 cups bread flour
• 1 (.25 ounce) envelope active dry yeast
• 1 1/4 cups warm water
• 3 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil, divided
• 3 tablespoons chopped fresh rosemary
• 1 (14 ounce) can pizza sauce
• 3 cups shredded mozzarella cheese
• 2 ripe tomatoes, sliced
• 1 zucchini, sliced
• 15 slices vegetarian pepperoni
• 1 (2.25 ounce

Directions

1. Place bread flour, yeast, water, and 2 tablespoons olive oil into the bread machine pan in the order recommended by the manufacturer. Select the Dough setting. Press Start. When the dough is finished, knead rosemary into the dough.
2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F (200 degrees C).
3. Divide the dough into three portions. Shape each piece into a heart shape about 1/2 inch thick. Brush with remaining olive oil, and spread a thin layer of pizza sauce on each pizza. Sprinkle cheese over pizza sauce, and arrange tomatoes, zucchini, pepperoni, and sliced olives on top.
4. Bake for about 15 to 20 minutes, or until cheese has melted and crust is browned.

Reality is setting in

2012-01-27T16:11:00.002-05:00

I just purchased my college textbooks for 300.00. If THAT does not make reality set in I don’t know what will.

I also received an email from one of my Professors. I now know what to expect in his course as far as assignments, the midterm and final.

The term starts on Wednesday and boy am I scared. So scared that I cannot even articulate how I am feeling

I was excited a few weeks ago but the closer I got to the start of the term the more concerned I become. I am not so certain how on earth I am going to be able to do this with all that is on my plate but I guess I can’t really think about that right now, can I? I cannot let any stinking thinking creep into my brain, not this time.

My gut is telling me that I will be able to do it, now I just have to own it and believe it. I think the key for me is to keep those that genuinely help and support me close while keeping those that don’t at a distance or on the backburner. This means that some of my relationships might fall off the cliff, but I am ok with that because I am not going to allow for any distractions.

A whimsical heart decoration

2012-01-27T13:45:00.002-05:00

Sarah's Sweethearts has a whimsical heart pattern to crochet. So cute!

Doggie Treat Valentines

2012-01-26T15:11:00.000-05:00

I know my Sophia would go CRAZY for one of these treats! Gosh, they look so good.. I want one!!

All Natural Valentines Day Dog Treats by Muddy Puppys Dipped and drizzled Rawhides Red and Pink Set of 15 small med Gift Wrapped

The 8 Valentine Mini Bone Gift Box is made with Signature Bonz peanut butter dough. Ingredients include: peanut butter, honey, oats, wheat flour, canola oil, cinnamen, and dried eggs. Each bone is hand dipped in it's own unique way, with a touch of Valentine love. The beautiful frosting is vanilla yogurt chips, some are dazzled with Valentine nonpareil sprinkles. Great gift for your dog or doggy friends.

I love the pretty floral design on these doggie treats, so cute! I found them at Dogville Farms.

Blogger Designs, Logos, Shop Sets from Design Muse

2012-01-26T13:46:00.002-05:00

I simply adore my blog design from Kerry at Design Muse!

It was so easy picking out my blog template because she has so many lovely themes to choose from at such a reasonable price; only 25.00!

The items in the template are personalized with your information and sent to you through email within 24-48 hours. She can install the blog design for no extra charge, just let her know! :) Really, it was goof-proof.

You'll receive:

• customized blog banner (header image)

• blog background image

• color codes for customizing your text, links, etc.

• blog button & code box (with instructions)

• signature image personalized with your name

• instructions on how to upload header/ background/ etc.

• blog template installation (optional, but free!!)

Kerry also offers premade Etsy premade sets and premade logos. Check her out, she is really wonderful!

Valentine Natural Red Dyed Cake Balls

2012-01-26T12:58:00.001-05:00

In the Kitchen with Audrey: Valentine Natural Red Dyed Cake Balls

Layered Peppermint Cheesecake

2012-01-25T14:25:00.000-05:00

annies home: Layered Peppermint Cheesecake

Whenever I eat a Costco muffin I think about my Dad.

2012-01-25T13:46:00.000-05:00

When I was a teenager my father discovered Costco. I remember him and my Mom being gone for hours while they shopped at Costco. I am sure my Dad drove my Mom crazy because he had to look at everything.

Once I went with them and my feet actually started to hurt because I was standing around so much while he looked, looked and looked some more.

My parents would come home exhausted yet excited. My Dad would take such pride in everything that he unloaded into the house while my Mom would sit on the sofa with a satisfied grin on her face.

Costco muffins are so good and so very big. My Dad would buy loads of them every month and split each one in half. He would first wrap each half in cling wrap and then add another layer of tin foil. He would place the muffins in the freezer in hopes that they would last the entire month, which they never did because we would sneak them every chance we got! Oh chocolate frozen Costco muffins are delightful.

I remember getting married and my Dad coming over to load my refrigerator and cabinets with Costco goodies. I had so much V8 tomato juice, it wasn’t even funny. Recently I cleaned out the garage and guess what I found? A large tray filled with little cans of V8 juice dated 1998. I kept them, of course.

When I became a single Mom my Dad would not only make it a point to stuff my refrigerator with his Costco finds but he would also tell me how courageous he thought I was. Gosh, sometimes I would feel like such a loser until he would remind me of my courage.

Last night I went to Costco on the way home from work. Every time I go to Costco I think about my Dad. From parking my car to unloading all the items into the house, I always think about him.

I am on cloud nine when I drove home Costco with my minivan packed because I think about how great it is that I can provide for my family as a single Mom. Putting the items away and seeing how full the refrigerator and cabinets are gives me such pride. Honestly, it recharges me.

So, this morning as I type this I am eating a blueberry muffin, thinking about my Dad and fighting back tears. Some are happy tears because I know he is at peace but many are sad tears because I will forever have this big hole in my heart.

Treat Yourself To Nacho Dish

2012-01-24T16:06:00.001-05:00

annies home: Treat Yourself To Nacho Dish

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On eggshells

2012-01-24T13:44:00.000-05:00

There is a person in my life that no matter what I do she is upset with me. I am constantly trying to live up to her expectations and “behave”. However, her expectations are way too high, so I always fail.

It is frustrating because it feels like she has such high standards for me and only me; I can do no right while others can do no wrong.

When she gets angry she simply disowns me and talks about me behind my back. She is family so I deal with it as best as I can. However, I am always on eggshells and I am always defending myself.

Talking to her is impossible because she immediately becomes over sensitive and defensive. No problem between us ever gets resolved and she has a mental list of all my wrong-doings. She forgets and forgives nothing and throws the past in my face whenever she sees an opportunity.

I wonder if she acts this way out of insecurity and jealousy or if she just thinks I am a serious fuck up.

I honestly do not know the reason even though I have spent countless useless hours debating it in my head.

She decides to become angry at the most trivial things and eventually she decides to start talking to me again, but the damage is done; another brick on the wall.

Currently she is angry with me because I didn’t personally inform her of my engagement. I am not sure when my engagement became about her.

It is sad because she has no idea what she is missing.

Today is a VERY special day

2012-01-21T11:05:00.001-05:00

Today Julian turns 9! I can hardly believe it, he is growing up so darn fast.

Let me tell you about my Julian because think he is rather amazing.

He is so very loving and he is also rather chatty.

He loves to come home and kick off his shoes in the living room and fling his socks onto the floor because he likes to be barefoot whenever possible. I have found socks; under the china cabinet, under the sofa, in the fruit bowl (eww) and tucked behind the DVD player. Ah, it drives my crazy.

I think he has GIANT feet, by the way. Sometimes we call him BIG FOOT or FLIPPER to which he says “I am going to be REALLY big like my daddy”.

He just loves his Daddy.

He is a hoarder of toys and always has to carry a few with him wherever he goes.

He is the master of sound effects because each toy has its own voice and when he plays it is rather entertaining!

He loves chicken noodle soup and will eat it for breakfast, lunch and supper.

Mac and Cheese, Hot dogs without the bun, chicken nuggets and sausage pizza are his favorites.

He lives on orange juice and chocolate milk. Every night he likes hot tea with honey before bed time, isn’t that rather fancy?

He wears his heart on his sleeve because he loves quickly, easily and hard.

If you ask him “Does my butt look big in these jeans?” be prepared for a honest answer because Julian tells ya like it is.

When he grows up he wants to be a police officer because he wants to be a hero like Batman or Spiderman.

I think my son is so very brave and confident because despite the many obstacles he has faced in his little life he always pushes though with persistence and determination.

And finally my son is so very proud of who he is. He freely tells others that he has Asperger’s Syndrome and when they don’t know what it is he completely explains it with such pride. He is proud of the fact that he has a step mom (who I think is just lovely) and two homes and a big family that adores him.

Our plans for today are to play in the snow and spend a lot of “Mommy and Me” time together. It is going to be a wonderful day!

This and That

2012-01-19T15:48:00.005-05:00

My office is moving into another building so for weeks now we have been packing and getting things ready. Yesterday I had the opportunity to tour the new office and I am rather impressed. Everything is so fresh and new, even our cubicles are charming!

The only down side is the fact that my desk is right next to the office loud mouth. Honestly, she is horrible. She seems very nice until you really talk to her. She is very negative and talks about other people. ARG!

Today is my last day in this office building. Friday I have off (WOOT!) and Monday I will be sure to get lost finding my desk in the morning.

Saturday is Julian’s birthday and I am so excited! Friday we are going to have a small party for him. I cannot believe he is 9! Saturday we are all having breakfast with his father and his step-mother. Gosh, I love how great everyone gets along!

Tuesday my car would not start in the morning, so not fun. I missed work and the kids missed school. At least it happened in my own driveway instead of being stranded at work or someplace with the kids.

I have been obsessed with a blog called Wedding Bee! Wow, this blog has EVERYTHING wedding related from engagement to dresses to favors. So love it. I am looking and getting ideas and trying to figure out what we want.

Something small and simple sounds lovely. We are thinking a planned elopement with just the kids and us; maybe a destination wedding on a pretty sandy beach with turquoise blue water or maybe a wedding on a cruise ship.

So many things to look forward to.

Spoon Pendants

2012-01-18T15:54:00.001-05:00

I love these very pretty and unique spoon pendants from Artsy Fartsy.

Cutest baby photo contest!

2012-01-18T15:09:00.000-05:00

We so deserve THIS.

2012-01-18T14:21:00.000-05:00

In just a few weeks college is starting for me and I am getting more and more anxious about it. My biggest worry is time management. It is little surprise that the kids keep me very busy but I need to learn how to put myself first.

My schedule is crazy during the week because they each have activities that I have to drive them too after work/school. Every single week day except for Tuesdays I am running. I cannot help but wonder how the heck am I going to study or attend classes?

Well , if there is a will there is always a way. I got this. I have to.

I just know that going back to college is going to open up a whole new world not only for myself but also for my children.

So yeah, it is going to be difficult juggling it all but a single mom has got to do what a single mom has got to do. This is the way it has always been since day one… push forward, work hard and just do.

Get that degree.

Get that better job

Make my children proud.

Me, a college graduate! Finally. We so deserve THIS.

Slow Cooker Meatloaf

2012-01-15T18:48:00.000-05:00

annies home: Slow Cooker Meatloaf

Julian's artwork via Artsonia (Become a FAN!)

2012-01-12T11:51:00.000-05:00

Julian’s school is taking part in an online art gallery called Artsonia. I really think this is such a great idea because now I can download his artwork and even purchase items such as mugs, t-shirts or note cards.

However, the best part is the fact he is getting such a kick out of all his “fans” and comments. So, I was thinking.. just maybe I can get a few of my readers to visit his gallery and post a lovely comment and become a fan. We would both so appreciate it.

Last night he was really proud of himself when he visited the gallery and read the comments. Now he is super excited about art!

English Lingo: Compiled by Stephanie Abbott

2012-01-12T09:52:00.001-05:00

England and America are two countries separated by the same language. – George Bernard Shaw.

Here’s a fun little glossary for those who might find English usage “across the Pond” amusing:

• Fag: a cigarette. Respectable usage: “I just need five minutes to suck on a fag.”

• Cider: a mild-to-moderate alcoholic drink currently more popular than beer in some parts of England, especially with underage girls.

• Pouf: a soft place to sit, e.g., an ottoman. Also, a male homosexual.

• Slag: an unattractive and or dirty woman of ill repute.

• Wank: how a male pleasures himself. Common insult: “You wanker!”

• Sacked: Fired.

• Footballer: a professional soccer player and (usually) national hero.

• Football Hooligan: someone who uses his or her support of a sports team to bully, insult, or physically threaten those who support other teams.

• Panda cars: black and white police cars.

• Rent boy: male prostitute.

• Page Three Girl: A beautiful topless female featured in a British newspaper as a sort of daily confection, like horoscopes or the crossword puzzle.

• Dog-end: a cigarette butt.

• Row: argument, loud quarrel.

• Mate: friend.

• Detached house: a house unattached to any other, with a surrounding yard. In some parts of urban England, most homes are “flats” – one-level apartments – or “row houses,” each dwelling literally attached to the next. For some people, the ultimate middle-class status symbol is a house that doesn’t touch either neighbor’s.

• The Tube: London’s underground subway system.

• Tosser: person who masturbates. More commonly, a despicable person.

• “Gagging for it”: desperate for sex.

• Bugger off: go away

• Flannel: a washcloth

• Ginger hair: red.

• Gastro-pub: a bar that serves food.

• NHS: National Health Service, universal healthcare in Britain.

• A.A.C.D.: American Academy of Cosmetic Dentistry, because “American” denotes a white smile and cash up front.

• Top-Drawer: the best.

• Take the Mickey: to make someone feel like a fool.

• Open University: education open to all adults seeking career training or self-improvement.

• Ward sister: head nurse.

• Top yourself: commit suicide.

• Pudding: any dessert.

• “In the club”: pregnant.

• Scarper: run away. Also known as “doing a runner.”

• Screw: prison guard.

• Winging: whining, complaining.

• Pensioner: senior citizen, also called an Old Age Pensioner, or O.A.P.

• “Put you in the picture”: fill you in.

• Petrol: gasoline.

• Braces: suspenders.

• Dustman: garbage collector.

• Boxing Day: traditionally December 26th, the day when service people – post carriers, dustmen, etc – are presented with a gift of money.

• “Early days yet”: too soon to tell.

• Lady Day: March 25th, Mary’s Feast of the Anunciation.

• Doolally: insane.

I think the above sample proves we have a way to go before we comprehend our English cousins. For more about the similarities and difference between our language, please check out three of my favorite reference books: British English A to Zed, 3rd Edition, by Norman W. Schur; Watching the English by Kate Fox; and The Anglo Files by Sarah Lyall.

About the author - Stephanie Abbott is the face behind the popular pseudonym, S.A. Reid. Well-known for her “real and likeable characters”, she also writes paranormal fiction (a new series titled Past Lives is currently being penned), fantasy, and sci-fi. Additionally, she also pens cozy mysteries as Emma Jameson.

Buy Now @ Amazon & Smashwords

Genre - Adult Romance & Gay Fiction

Rating - R

More details about the author & the book

View the trailer for this book

Connect with Stephanie Abbott on Twitter

Website http://stephanieabbottbooks.com/

Scrapbook Freebie!

2012-01-10T14:00:00.000-05:00

Love this scrapbook freebie from Just So Scrappy! Click HERE to download it for free.

Rainbow Cake in a Jar

2012-01-10T13:54:00.000-05:00

This is totally adorable! Julian's birthday is coming up and I know he will love this!! Check it out!

South 35th: Rainbow Cake in a Jar:

This and That

2012-01-04T11:41:00.002-05:00

I hope you have a wonderful New Year dear reader! The kids and I rang in the New Year by having a dance party, eating rice crispy treats and drinking banana smoothies. We also played a few board games and watched a couple of movies. We had so much fun!

The kids are happy to be back at school and back to their regular schedules. Jacob is enjoying his drum set and is starting to plant the ‘seed’ for drum lessons, Lordy. Julian is getting very excited about his birthday! I still have no idea what we are doing but Bob and Beth offered to have a party for him, how sweet is that? Winterlyn is now at the stage where she wants to help Mommy in the kitchen. Every night she is right beside me as I cook dinner; I love it.

This past weekend we got so much done with the house, or rather my Fiancé got so much done while I sat around reading The Help (I just could not put it down!). Next weekend he and I are going to rent it and watch it together, so cannot wait.

Anyway, he cleaned the gutters, swept the roof, raked the lawn, fixed the sink in the bathroom, put up a new mirror in the bathroom and replaced the chimney cap. Isn’t he the greatest?

I started looking at wedding dresses and I admit to feeling very overwhelmed. Lots of people have lots of unwanted opinions such as “Oh, you cannot wear white because you are a single mom” and “You can’t wear cream because it is not traditional”. Ah, I just want a pretty dress.

Stress

Next month I start college, really very excited. I only need to take seven classes to graduate. I have been waiting a very long time for this, finally!

So maybe this time next year I will be a married college graduate! Huh, how do you like those apples?

Scrapbook Freebies

2012-01-04T10:24:00.000-05:00

From Dee Blog, click HERE to download.

star wars snowflakes {DIY}

2012-01-03T14:41:00.001-05:00

Little Birdie Secrets: star wars snowflakes {DIY}

Cute things they say: Can you please play the Lottery?

2012-01-03T12:27:00.001-05:00

It is particularly cold in NJ this morning. The kids and I had to go to the gas station to fill up the car before school drop off.

While waiting Julian said “Mommy, can you please close the window. I am cold”

Me: “In a bit Honey”

Julian: “Can you please play the Lottery?”

Me: “Why, do you want us to be rich?”

Julian: “Yes, because rich people get their chauffeur to gas up the car”

Smothered Covered Hashbrowns

2012-01-03T12:14:00.000-05:00

annies home: Smothered Covered Hashbrowns

I am still recovering from my lovely Christmas weekend.

2011-12-29T08:54:00.002-05:00

I am still recovering from my lovely Christmas weekend. On Friday my Fiancé drove all over the state of NJ to find the exact camera that was on Winterlyn’s Christmas list. I left work early and picked up Winterlyn to do some last minute shopping.

Friday night we all met at my house for pizza, gift wrapping and hot chocolate.

Saturday was Christmas Eve but since I only have the kids for a few hours on Christmas day we decided to celebrate a day early. We opened our gifts and spent the say being lazy in our PJ’s.

Jacob got a new drum set from Santa; he REALLY loves it. Unfortunately our house is a wee bit too tiny so the drum set is smack in the middle of my dining room! Oh well. I am actually rather impressed at how well he plays the drums!

Winterlyn got her camera and lots of new funky clothes from The Justice Store. Julian got loads of Star Wars toys. My Fiancé got some new shirts and PJ’s and I got slippers, PJ’s and um.. engaged.

Still can’t believe it! I wish I can get a better picture of my ring to show you, sigh…

Can you tell I am slightly obsessed with my ring?

Saturday night we had yummy veggie lasagna and garlic bread. Mmm! In the evening we took a ride to look at Christmas lights. By the time we got home all three kids were fast asleep in the car, too cute.

Christmas morning Bob and Beth came over for a bit to exchange gifts with the kids and to pick up Julian. Gosh the moment he left we missed him; the house is not the same without him. He is going to spend the entire week with his dad while I count the days until he comes home.

We all went out for breakfast before Jacob and Winterlyn were picked up at noon by their father.

On Monday we both had off from work so we all ventured out to the mall and we had dinner at the Olive Garden (LOVE that place!).

So now I am thinking about New Years Eve! What to do, what to do? The kids want to play board games and have a dance party. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

Adopted Mom to Chazz The Dog

2011-12-28T15:05:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to thank Barbara and Chazz at Adopted Mom to Chazz The Dog for allowing me to guest post on their furry special blog.

The adorable Chazz

As you know I love to write, especially about my children. So, when I heard Barbara was looking for a few guest posts I had to jump and write about Sophia, who just happens to be my fur-baby.

To read my guest post click HERE.

Barbara has such an awesome blog because it is packed with loads of cuteness plus resources, giveaways, contests, freebies, product reviews tips and much much more.

You have to check out The Chazz’s Friends Gallery because it always brings a smile to my face whenever I visit.

Just so darn cute!

Cute things they say: Butt fat

2011-12-28T12:22:00.000-05:00

Winterlyn: “Mommy, you know how some people take the fat from their butts and put it into their lips?”

Me: “Yes”

Winterlyn: “Well, do they also take fat from their lips and put it into their butts?”

I really have such great kids.

2011-12-28T11:25:00.004-05:00

I love how my children greet me when I come home from work. The very moment I pull into the driveway they all run out of the house to meet me.

My son always grabs my coffee cup while Winterlyn carries my pocketbook. Julian typically tells me what he did at school and if he is done with his homework as we all walk into the house together.

One time I pulled into the driveway and saw all three kids standing on the lawn holding signs. One said “I” the other one had a big heart on it and the third one said “U”.

Another time I pulled into the drive way to find all three kids holding my robe, PJ’s and slippers.

Ah and the best part about coming home after work is the fact that Winterlyn and Julian both always make me tea. As soon as I get home I go over homework and organized their book bags while enjoying my hot tea.

I really have such great kids.

The kids also love to stop me before I pull into the driveway because they like to pile into the minivan for the short ride to the end of the driveway. When they were smaller I would put one or two on my lap and allow them to hold the steering wheel as I drove into the driveway.

My children know exactly what time I will be home. According to my mom they start waiting by the front door at 5:20 in anticipation.

Last night was a pretty horrible night. It was so windy and the heavy rain made it impossible to see the road. I have a visual impairment; I only see out of my right eye and I always see double (which is only good when I am looking at chocolate!). My night vision is just awful, especially when it is raining or snowing.

I had such a hard time getting home last night. I had to pull over many times and rotate between crying and praying. Really, it was pathetic.

I drove so painfully slow and cars behind me were tailing me, flashing their high beams or blasting their horn at me.

I was over an hour late getting home. The kids really didn’t realize how late I was because they both came up with this clever idea to scare me outside. They each wore black clothes and armed themselves with umbrellas, flashlights and Star Wars lightsabers. Their plan was to hide behind the trash cans and jump out once I got out of the car to scare me.

Poor things waited in the rain for a long time before they realized I was late. All wet and soggy they went into the house to call me. I heard my cell phone ringing but I didn’t want to pick it up while driving. They called several times before I could find a place to pull over and answer.

“Mommy, where are you?” said Jacob.

“I am having such a hard time getting home” I said.

“Are you far?”

He was trying to get me to call my fiancé for help but he lives over an hour away and I was pretty close to home.

I kept the kids on speaker as I slowly made my way home.

When I got home I found two soggy kids waiting outside for me with their flashlights lighting up the driveway so that I could pull in.

I am engaged!

2011-12-27T13:59:00.003-05:00

This picture does not give my engagement ring justice. The diamond sparkles so much, to the point where I am easily distracted by it!! : )

It is a solitaire but the prongs that are holding the diamond are tiny hearts. Under and around the diamond are four more hearts.

Really, my ring is just lovely and I feel so very blessed to be wearing it.

Who would have thought it? Me… Super Single Mom, engaged.

Wow.

Needless to say it has been a lovely Christmas and the kids are super excited!

yarn pom pom garland tutorial

2011-12-21T16:48:00.000-05:00

Little Birdie Secrets: yarn pom pom garland

Scrapbook Freebie

2011-12-20T16:40:00.002-05:00

I love this Snow Cute digital freebie from Just So Scrappy! Click HERE to download.

Christmas Candy Tree

2011-12-19T16:35:00.000-05:00

annies home: Christmas Candy Tree

Friday Follow Fill In The Blanks

2011-12-16T13:35:00.000-05:00

1. ____ is my ideal winter night.

Trying to all fit on the sofa is my ideal winter night. I have a tiny house with a small sofa and it is very comical how we all try to sit on it at the same time. I end up with a kid on my lap, my boyfriend ends up with a kid on his lap plus my legs and Jacob ends up with some ones legs on his lap.

I love nights like this because my family is together and although we don’t have much and we live like sardines we want for nothing because we have each other

2. I don’t remember the last time I ___ but, I really want to.

I don’t remember the last time I took care of myself but, I really want to. I have just been so consumed with my Super Single Mom identity that my own life, dreams and goals have been placed on hold. Everything has always been about the kids. However, it is never too late; life has been patiently waiting for me.

3. I will never turn down __________

I will never turn down eggplant parmesan made by my mother. She layers the fried breaded eggplant with ricotta cheese, mozzarella cheese, cream cheese and her down tomato sauce. It is heaven and fattening.

4. To save money I like to ____________

To save money I like to be creative. I am always searching the internet unique and creative ways to “entertain” my children without spending money. Once I took the kids in the backyard for a scavenger hunt and another time we packed lunch and watched planes take off and land at a local airport.

Wednesday is PICTURE DAY: Corn maze

2011-12-14T08:52:00.001-05:00

Taco casserole

2011-12-13T14:57:00.000-05:00

annies home: Taco casserole

Today I look like a Basset Hound!

2011-12-13T11:15:00.001-05:00

So I am at work today feeling worse compared to yesterday. I am happy that I am less congested and I no longer sound like a Basset Hound BUT now my throat is killing me and I am nauseous. Plus, I feel like I am floating.

Unfortunately I currently LOOK like a Basset Hound.
Sigh.

I hate being sick at work and coughing because I try my hardest to not cough, but that tickle in my throat is unbearable.

Cough

Cough

Cough

As I type this I have a cough drop in my mouth, tea on my desk and sore throat spray and still I am having those dreaded coughing fits.

Am I complaining too much? : ) I am happy to be at work instead of home in bed, but wow am I counting the minutes to 5pm. Until then I will just cough as discreetly as possible, look at pictures of my kids and try to ignore the tingle.

Ah that pesky tingle!

Last night Julian and Winterlyn were too cute. Somehow, and possibility while I was zonked out because of cold medications, they managed to get my yarn tangled around the rocker in the living room. It was hysterical watching them untangle the yarn. Oh my gosh, within an hour they managed to make the situation worse by tangling the yarn around themselves, the dog, the living room table and myself.

I asked “How did the yarn get around the rocker to begin with?”

“I don’t want to talk about it” said Julian. Winterlyn was wise because she simply pretended that she didn’t hear me and offered to make me tea.

My poor boyfriend caught my cold so he is home from work sick today. Yesterday he sent me many texts describing his misery. In one text he wrote “We do everything together, even get sick!”

Feeling LOOPY on my birthday.

2011-12-12T09:04:00.002-05:00

Hurray, today is my 41st birthday!
Unfortunately I am very sick with a rather nasty cold. When I cough I sound like a Basset Hound; Arrrrrrrrroooooooo!
So as I type this I am loopy from cough medicine and cold medicine. I am in my pink cozy snowflake PJ’s that my mom got me for my birthday and my nightstand has three cups; one with water, one with orange juice and one with tea and lemon.
Despite my sickness I am having a lovely day. This morning Jacob made me breakfast in bed, which consisted of coffee and a slice of carrot cake. : ) Best breakfast EVER. And he gave me a handmade card that made me cry the second I read it. I never had that reaction to a card before so he was a bit shocked “Mommy, I didn’t mean to make you cry”.
“Jacob, that is so beautiful. Thank you so much!”
The card is a simple picture of our little house and a balloon that is floating up to the sky that says “41”.
Inside the card it says:

Dear Mommy,

I hope you have a great birthday. To everyone else in Parsippany NJ today is just a cold day but to us (me, Julian, Winterlyn, Kevin, Nana, Aunt Ramona, Bob and Beth) it is the warmest day in December.

I hope you have a perfect Birthday!

Love,

Jacob

Along with the card was a Yankee Candle.

The entire weekend we celebrated my birthday, it was wonderful. I received lots of little gifts from the kids and on Saturday my awesome boyfriend took us all out to eat at my favorite restaurant Charlie Browns. Saturday night we roasted marshmallows and watched a movie.
My boyfriend gave me a Keurig machine. I know that does not sound like a romantic gift but now every morning when I have my coffee I think of him. The kids REALLY love it because now they can make their own hot coco, tea or apple cider.
Unfortunately for me there is always a line at the Keurig machine because Winterlyn really loves tea while the boys really love hot coco! : )

Yesterday we spent the entire day at the mall window shopping. I really love the mall during the holidays! I was fighting my cold all week but yesterday I really started feeling it, so I was a crab apple in the mall. It is a miracle that my boyfriend and family put up with me.
Seriously!
So, that is my story morning glory. I am feeling very loopy, congested, icky and blessed on my 41st birthday.

I am Ethan by Kelly Graham

2011-12-11T17:35:00.000-05:00

I am Ethan.

You may not understand me, or the way I feel today.

You may not understand my reasoning for things I do or say.

The reasons why I'm so loud and say things over & over again,

Why I run so differently or lose my homework every now & then.

I write my letters backwards and sometimes numbers too,

and when in a conversation, I'll say "Guess what" 100 times to you.

Too much noise, light, or excitement can set me in a spin.

I don't like the way these pants feel rubbing against my skin.

I try to be good, but sometimes it's hard to control,

I have to do it, it's an impulse, I don't always do what I'm told.

Ketchup, Ranch and BBQ sauce on everything I eat,

sometimes I have days that I just can't sit still in my seat.

I like to talk a lot even when it's out of turn,

my mind plays tricks on me and interrupts what I'm trying to learn.

Sit up straight, wipe my face, and play ever so soft,

some of these things I have trouble with and I usually lose my train of thought.

I didn't mean to spill the milk mom, or slam the door so hard,

everyone else is done with their homework, I don't know where to start?

My heart's as big as gold, my feelings get hurt too,

I get sad, cry and have bad days just like you.

My brain works differently than other girls and boys,

but one thing always holds true, I can give your life so much joy.

I get frustrated so easily and my hand won't work that way,

I don't understand why those other kids won't let me come over and play.

Please don't think of me any differently or love of me any less,

I'm just like other kids and trying to do my best.

I am very special in my own unique way, and every moment with me

you'll never have a dull day.

Raspberry Sandwich Cookies

2011-12-10T13:41:00.000-05:00

annies home: Raspberry Sandwich Cookies

Scrapbook Freebie!

2011-12-09T13:35:00.000-05:00

I really love this scrapbook freebie set from Just So Scrappy. Click HERE to download for free.

foam cone christmas tree tutorial {fabric covered}

2011-12-09T13:28:00.000-05:00

I found this great tutorial at Little Birdie Secrets.

Five Question Friday

2011-12-09T13:19:00.001-05:00

1. What is your favorite Christmas cookie?

I do not believe there is a cookie in this universe that I do not like! However, I REALLY love those very yummy Mexican Wedding cookies. I have TRIED making them a few times; gosh I wish I could bake!

2. What's your favorite holiday movie & why?
Elf is the greatest movie EVER. “Does Santa know you are here?” I just think it is the silliest movie. It is the type of movie that makes me *snort* when I laugh.

3. Is there a gift that you bought for your kids that you wish you hadn't after they opened it?

Legos because they always end up on the floor and I always end up stepping on them. Ouch do they hurt!

4. What is the messiest room in your house right at this moment?
The boy’s room! Last night I walked by the room and I smelled cheese. How does THAT happen?

5. What is the furthest you have driven for the holidays?
I am a big baby in the car. I can only handle an hour before I start complaining about being bored and my butt hurting.

I wanted to be like the other moms

2011-12-07T17:28:00.002-05:00

I was very lucky today because I got to see my daughter during my lunch hour. Today was her winter concert, it was lovely.

She sings in the choir and she also plays Percussion.

I looked at all the other moms and I suddenly realized the difference between them and myself.

Most moms are married because I have never met another single mom in the school district.

Most of the moms had big engagement rings and golden wedding bands.

Most of the moms were wearing the typical mom jeans and had over processed hair that was cut in fancy styles.

Most had fake nails and Coach bags but mostly most of the moms were sitting next to their husbands completely stress free.

I thought to myself “Stress free! Now, that must be nice”

I ran like a chicken to get there on time and I had to stand in the back due to lack of seats. I was stressing because I didn’t want to be too late back to work and I was wondering how much stuff was piling up in my inbox. I was praying that my Supervisor didn’t notice my absence and I was hungry; I was too busy to eat breakfast this morning and I was late to pack a lunch.

I was out of breath from running from the car to the building because I had to park far away. I had Julian’s Spiderman umbrella with me. Yes, I looked ridiculous holding the red umbrella with a Spiderman figure on the handle, but it works so who cares.

My hair was pushed to the side and tucked behind my ears, nothing fancy.

I was wearing old hand-me-down brown slacks that my older sister Ramona gave me a few years ago. They are too big and baggy and hardly my own style… but they will do for now.

No makeup, who has the time?

My cheap Curves sneakers were soggy and my bag (although fabulous) was a thrift store find for only 10.00; I hate spending money on myself.

My nails are a messy hot pink with purple polka dots and sparkles, thanks to my own personal nail stylist; Winterlyn.

The only valuable thing I was wearing was the friendship bracelet my daughter made me. It is a collection of braided yarn; green, neon green and pink. To me it is priceless.

I slowly put on my old five year old bent glasses in hopes that no one would notice how silly they look on me when I saw her.

When I locked eyes with my daughter she jumped up from her seat and said “Mommy!” I throw both my arms up in the air and waved with the big grin on my face as I said “Pookie!”

Now people were really looking at me, but I hardly cared.

Her face was lit up as she played in the band. She made faces at me and I wiggled my nose at her. She looked so beautiful with her dark long hair, light skin and hazel eyes.

She looks just like me.

When she concentrated she stuck out her tongue, so cute.

I wonder if she knows exactly how much I love her.

I wonder if she knows how hard I work to just keep her happy.

I wonder if she knows exactly how happy she makes me and I wonder if she knows just how determined I am that she has a better life than me.

I couldn’t stay to watch her sing. When they made the transition I quickly sneaked out and ran to my car.

I felt so guilty and angry all at the same time. I wanted to stay; I wanted to be like the other moms. I wanted to be stress free and I wanted to not feel so alone.

I drove like a wild woman back to work and slipped into my office wet, out of breath and unnoticed.

When school let out I received the following call from my daughter:

Winterlyn: “Mommy, how come you left before I could sing?”

Me: “I am sorry Honey but I had to get back to work”.

She was quiet before she said “I spent the rest of the concert just looking for you”. She was crying.

Me: “I am so sorry”.

We cried in silencefor a bit and she finally said “Call me on your way home, OK? Don’t forget because I need you”.

Defeated, I said "OK"

"I love you more than a stupid concert" she said as she hung up the phone.

Wednesday is PICTURE DAY: Haunted Hayride

2011-12-07T08:45:00.000-05:00

Winterlyn took all of these pictures. I think she did a GREAT job!

To All The Mothers written by Meshell Baylor

2011-12-03T17:30:00.003-05:00

To All The Mothers written by Meshell Baylor shares the sentiments of love an autistic child feels from her mother in this special message to all parents.

To All The Mothers

By Meshell Baylor

My mother loves me unconditionally.

Even though I repeat the same old things.

My mother loves me so well you see.

She's patient when I cannot be.

She doesn't mind me pacing back and forth.

She doesn't mind the jibberish.

When I am frustrated beyond my means.

She sings, Don't worry the storm is over."

When I feel no one understands,

Mom is there to hold my hand.

To all the parents around the words whose

journey seems like this.

We know that you love us dearly.

But having you in our lives makes us blessed.

Walnut and MinceMeat Pie

2011-12-02T13:33:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness, it is recipes like this that make me wish I knew how to bake!

annies home: Walnut and MinceMeat Pie

Five Question Friday

2011-12-02T12:38:00.001-05:00

1. What is your favorite Christmas decoration in your house?
The kids and I love to drive around and look at all the houses lit up for Christmas. We love loading up our thermoses with yummy hot chocolate as we look at all the lights. Of course we have Christmas music playing on the radio.

2. Do you finish your Christmas shopping early or are you a last minute type?
A little bit of both. For Julian and Winterlyn I tend to guy their items very early and place them on Lay-A-Way. Jacob usually is last minute because he is very hard to shop for. Clothes are out of the question, he is not into toys or electronics.. so he is my challenge.

3. When do you turn on your heat?
Geez, we have had so many issues with our furnace this year. Currently we still do not have heat. Brrr baby brrr! Usually I put it on the very first moment a kid says “I’m cold”.

4. Do you ever wish your blog was private?
I miss the days when my blog was read by an audience of strangers. Sometimes I get writers block when I think of certain individuals who read my blog because I know they don’t have the best of intentions. However, I am just going to keep enjoying my life and continue doing what I love.

5. Do you put your deodorant on before of after you put on your shirt?
Before! Oh the worst is when I go to work realizing I FORGOT the deodorant! GASP! That’s when I find myself spraying my armpits with hairspray and keeping my arms to my side in hopes that no one will notice my stinkyness.

Easy Bead Ornaments for Kids

2011-12-01T13:31:00.000-05:00

Mom to 2 Posh Lil Divas: Easy Bead Ornaments for Kids:

Beads + Pipe Cleaners = Fabulous Christmas Ornaments

Scrap Paper Filled Ornament - Tutorial

2011-12-01T13:22:00.000-05:00

I really love this super cute and super easy ornament from Irish Italian Blessings. Double sided scrapbook paper or wrapping paper would add a bit more color. Or, maybe using Mod Podge Sparkle on the plain side to add a bit of interest.

My little girl and I will so be making these tonight.

Wednesday is PICTURE DAY!: At the farm

2011-11-30T08:41:00.003-05:00

I have good news!

2011-11-29T20:56:00.004-05:00

I know my last few posts have been rather gloomy. I am slowly getting back to me.

So far the things that are helping are chocolate, wine, Wendy’s Frosties and lots of snuggling with the kids.

But anyway, I have good news!

Wait for it..

Wait for it..

I got my reward letter back from Financial Aid and guess what? College will be 100% paid for. How wonderful is that?

Why do I want to return to college at the ripe age of 40? Well, first I have guts. Yep, that’s me. I like to defy the odds.

Second, I always finish what I start. Yep, I am a college drop out. Actually, I dropped out a few times. I am so very close to finishing and believe me, I will finish (this time).

Third, if I get a college education my children will get a college education. I am sort of a big deal- a trend setter, if you will.

Fourth, the kids are supportive and old enough to actually help me (I see lots of flash cards in our future).

Fifth, what else am I going to do with all that down time when the kids are not home? Seriously people, I need a life. Ah, think of classes and meeting new people and learning new things. So excited!

And finally, the most important reason; I want to provide a better life for not only myself but also my children.

So happy right now.

With my little family I can get through anything.

2011-11-29T13:11:00.002-05:00

The boys and I went to the library last night while Winterlyn was at church for Pioneer Girls. Usually when we go to the library we have over an hour to search for books and DVD’s to bring home. However, last night we had to be back at church within a half hour to listen to Winterlyn practice Christmas caroling.

While in the library Julian and I quickly picked out a few Star Wars DVD’s and books while Jacob sat and did some homework.

While checking out Julian asked the Librarian “Do you have any Star Wars soundtracks?”

The Librarian lit up and said “Oh, you do like Classical music? We have lots of CD’s that you can borrow”. To which Julian said “I love Classical music!”

After checking out the two Star Wars soundtracks he could not get to the minivan fast enough to listen to them. “Make sure you turn it up really high!” he said as we walked to the minivan.

We got into the van and he gave me the CD but right before I was able to put it in the player he said “Oh no… I forgot my books!”

Out he ran from the Minivan, Jacob went running after him saying “Hold on... you can’t go alone!”

“Mommy, don’t play the CD without me!” Julian yelled as he ran across the parking lot.

I sat in the van and watched both boys run into the library. I haven’t had a great week at all. My mind started thinking of what happened on Thanksgiving.

I have so much but yet I have so little.

The boys left the library and they teased me by walking in very slow motion to the van. I couldn’t help but laugh and honk my horn at them. Thank God because I was already fighting back tears.

What is it with me and crying in my minivan?

Once the kids were in the car Jacob put the CD in the player and turned up the volume. It sounded so beautiful.

As we drove to the church Julian was sitting in the backseat with his eyes closed and his head slowly moving to the music. He looked so peaceful.

When we arrived at the church all the girls were starting to gather into the gym. They were all wearing Santa hats, it was so cute.

When Winterlyn walked in I watched as her eyes searched for me. When our eyes met she ran from her group to me. “Mommy, you made it!” she said as she hugged me hello. She quickly ran back to her group before I could say anything in return.

The boys and I sat down and Julian snuggled up to me.

As the girls sang I started to think again; stinking thinking.

Not before long I was holding back tears, again. I thought about leaving the room before I completely lost it but Jacob tapped me on the shoulder and simply said “Mommy, it’s just not worth it”.

I quickly looked around and saw my daughter singing and looking at me, my son falling asleep on my shoulder and my oldest rubbing my back.

With my little family I can get through anything. They give me the strength to press forward and be strong.

My new lease on life

2011-11-29T10:18:00.000-05:00

Being a single mother of three children defiantly has its challenges but the most difficult challenge for me was the loneliness.

I became accustomed to the busy day to day work. Each morning my feet would hit the ground running. Mornings were hectic while the evenings were chaotic and to be honest, I hardly noticed. I was powered by adrenaline and my mind, body and soul were all accustomed.

Oh, but dear reader it was the weekends that I didn’t have my children that created such an abyss of loneliness.

My children are away on alternating weekends from Friday night into Sunday night. I admit that during a particularly stressful week I would count the days until my alone time. However, once the children left I would immediately get into a funk.

This funk went on for years. I couldn’t sleep at night because the house was too still. Every little noise made me wonder if someone was in the house, if I had a mouse or if something such as a Raccoon was in my attic.

The house was just too quiet.

At night I could not sleep but during the day I would do nothing but sleep. When Sunday came I would try to pull myself together but I would be too anxious about the children coming home.

All three of my children had been begging me for a dog. I was uncertain because a dog is like having another child and I wasn’t sure if I could handle the added responsibility. Months went by and my children kept begging while I kept saying “We will see”.

One day my children visited a website called Pet Finder and they saw our Sophia. In her profile picture she was looking at the camera with such sad lonely eyes, but they also had a glimmer of hope.

She is an older girl with a lovely red coat with grey hairs around her sweet face. She was wearing a handkerchief that said “Adopt Me!”

“Mommy, look at her. She is so pretty” said my daughter.

“Mommy, her name is Sophia. She sort of looks like a Sophia” said my youngest.

“Mom, let’s just go and see her. You never know” said my oldest.

That night after putting the kids to bed I kept thinking about her. I was thinking about her age and her breed. Being a middle-aged divorced single mother I knew what it is like to have a few negative labels and I also know what it is like to feel unwanted, unloved and alone. I felt an immediate connection to her. I wanted to save her but mostly I wanted her to save me. I really needed her.

The next day we visited her at the shelter and we learned all about her unfortunate history. She was found underweight and abandoned. Her teeth were purposely shaved down and she had many scars along her face, neck and ears.

As the shelter worker talked to us Sophia seemed to have a smile on her face, love in her heart and a very serious wag to her tail.

I watched this gentle survivor curl up into a ball on Jacobs lap while all three kids looked at me with big begging eyes. When I said “of course” the shelter worker said “You are giving her a new lease on life. Thank you”.

Since having Sophia my life has changed drastically. I no longer feel alone when the children are away and the house is never silent and still. She makes me get up and move because of her daily walks and playfulness. Her silliness keeps me laughing and her unpredictable ways keep me on my toes.

It is Sophia that gave me a new lease on life and she completely changed my attitude about everything, especially my own unfortunate past.

If she can forget and forgive her past, love freely and be happy… so can I.

Digital Scrapbook Freebie

2011-11-27T14:47:00.000-05:00

Click HERE to download this digital Scrapbook freebie.

I feel nothing but gratitude

2011-11-26T17:14:00.004-05:00

Whenever I see this picture it reminds me of how far I have come and how far my children and I have come as a family.

In this picture Julian was only 11 months old, now he will be turning 9 next month. I remember we were at the local High School because they were hosting a breakfast with Santa.

There is nothing that can compare to my children. I have been raising my children as a single parent since I was pregnant with Julian.

It is impossible to have my own life separate from the kids because they demand so much of my time; time that they fully deserve.

It is sometimes difficult to see my own dreams because all of my energy and focus is on my children and their needs, wants and dreams because I just want them to have a better life than me.

Being a single mom means pure sacrifice, which I am more than willing to do.

Regardless of the daily hard work and sacrifice I am just so freaking happy. I cannot even explain it, I just feel so blessed every single day and in every single situation.

From my debit card being rejected at the checkout line, to getting in trouble at work for missing too many days because the kids are sick, to my lack of co-parent support, to always having a messy house and always running around like a chicken- I feel nothing but gratitude.

When I meet my maker I am going to thank him for the wonderful life he gave me.

Being a single mother has taught me how strong I really am, that I am so very capable. I have learned about unconditional love, patience, determination and persistence. More importantly, I have learned that there is something out there far more important and bigger than me; my children.

I am fully proud of my personal choice and my courage to become a single mother and my choice to remain one all of these years.

Winterlyn seems to be really be interested in photography lately.

2011-11-26T08:57:00.000-05:00

Winterlyn really enjoys taking pictures and I do think she has an "eye". Of course the top item on her Christmas list is a camera. So proud of her!
Recently I was in the house cleaning (what else is new?) while the kids were outside enjoying a pretty fall day.

Bow front bird chest. - Mod Podge Rocks!

2011-11-25T09:20:00.000-05:00

Oh my goodness this is so pretty!

I have a very old crappy dresser that could use a "re-do". I just adore this!

Bow front bird chest. - Mod Podge Rocks!

Pour Your Heart Out..

2011-11-23T13:08:00.002-05:00

Dear Jacob:

I love you dearly.

Sometimes I might not “get you” but I truly love you beyond words can even express. I will always respect your opinions and your choices because I am raising you to be an individual and in my heart I know you will make the right choices FOR YOU. I love how you can openly express yourself to me. What you have to say matters, even if I disagree.

In life you will make mistakes; some might be big and many will be small. It will be OK because things always feel better in the morning. Mistakes make us stronger and wiser.

People might make fun of you. They might exclude you. They might act like you are invisible or not good enough. Please understand that their poor social skills are the problem, not yours.

Just realize that the person that is saying harsh words has to live to live with their ugliness, not you.

No one is perfect but you are perfectly fine exactly the way you are. The few things that you don’t like about yourself are the very things that make you, uniquely you.

I promise that no one is judging you even close to as harshly as you are judging yourself.

If you decide you want to change your look, do it because YOU feel like it. If you need to change your behavior, do it because YOU want to. However, please don’t ever change who you are. You are amazing.

If you can't come up with the perfect words, you are normal because perfect words to not exist. There are no perfect words, just best efforts because actions always speak louder than words.

I promise you that this part of your life is just a teeny tiny speckle. You have so much life to live, your college years, your 20’s, falling in love, getting married, having children, the 30’s, the 40’s the 50’s, grandchildren, 60’s, 70’s, 80’s and on and on.

The teenage years are going to get easier and in general life gets better, just hang in there and live life to the fullest.

And just remember, every day you come home to a family that loves you unconditionally.

I love you,

Mom

Wednesday is PICTURE DAY: Halloween

2011-11-23T08:36:00.002-05:00

Zucchini cupcakes with caramel frosting

2011-11-21T08:32:00.001-05:00

From: Little Birdie Secrets: zucchini cupcakes with caramel frosting

Apple Turkeys

2011-11-20T08:23:00.000-05:00

I saw these adorable Apple Turkeys over at One Artsy Mama and I just had to share. Look how cute. I think kids of all ages would have a blast making one, even a fussy teenager. However, I am certain I would have to buy extra candy and marshmallows just for "snacking while crafting".

Potato and Broccoli Soup

2011-11-18T00:16:00.002-05:00

From: annies home: Potato and Broccoli Soup

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER - by Erma Bombeck

2011-11-15T16:03:00.002-05:00

I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren't there for the day.

I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have talked less and listened more.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

I would have eaten the popcorn in the 'good' living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband.

I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed.

I would have sat on the lawn with my grass stains.

I would have cried and laughed less while watching television and more while watching life.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn't show soil, or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I'd have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, "Later. Now go get washed up for dinner."

There would have been more "I love you's."

More "I'm sorry's."

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute...look at it and really see it .. live it and never give it back.

Stop sweating the small stuff.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

Instead, let's cherish the relationships we have with those who do love us.

Let's think about what God HAS blessed us with.

And what we are doing each day to promote ourselves mentally, physically, emotionally.

I hope you all have a blessed day.

Vintage sheet music christmas ornament {tutorial}

2011-11-15T14:15:00.000-05:00

Little Birdie Secrets: vintage sheet music christmas ornament {tutorial}

Etsy Finds: Non-floral Wedding Boutiques

2011-11-15T13:49:00.000-05:00

Oh how I love these really pretty unpredictable and non-floral wedding boutiques!

Romance of the Sea Romantic Antique Lace Natural Seashell Bouquet mixed with Starfish

From iDoArtsyWeddings

This red and pink bouquet is handmade from Satin Ribbon, so cute! From SummerJadeDesigns

This bouquet features paper flowers handmade from pages of vintage atlas and map pages which have been hand painted, cut and shaped into these unique blooms. From SurroundingsOnline

Meet me on Monday

2011-11-14T11:53:00.003-05:00

Questions:

1. Does your family/friends know about your blog?

2. What is your favorite card game?

3. What do you wear to bed?

4. What is your favorite kind of French Fry?

5. What is your usual bed time?

Does your family/friends know about your blog?

Yes, just about everyone knows about my blog. I do get a kick out of the few sneaky readers who think I have no idea that they are reading my blog. However, the stats report from Blogger and also Google are very detailed.

What is your favorite card game?

I love the memory games that the kids and I play. The one where all the cards are upside down and you need to take make matches.

Mostly we play the Wii together or work on puzzles.

What do you wear to bed?

I usually wear sweatpants and an old t-shirt. I tend to wear old t-shirts that my oldest son grew out of.

I really need cute PJ’s! That’s on my birthday/Christmas list!

What is your favorite kind of French Fry?

Oh how I so miss those yummy French Fries. I read that they are the number one unhealthy thing a person can eat, so I no longer eat them. Between the carbs, salt and fat they are a big no no.

Sigh.

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

What is your usual bed time?

I am usually in bed by 9:30. I know, I go to bed early but wow am I super tired. I work from son (Jacob) up to son down (Julian)…
Whomever said boys are easier to raise must not have boys. Poor Winterlyn is so out numbered!

Thanksgiving autumn wreath idea {tutorial}

2011-11-14T11:35:00.000-05:00

Little Birdie Secrets: thanksgiving autumn wreath idea {tutorial}

Mr. Bloomers: A REALLY bad first date from the past.

2011-11-14T10:31:00.005-05:00

He was smart, cute, successful and very much a “catch”.

I met him on a dating site and we chatted for a long time via email and Instant Messenger.

When he finally spoke on the phone he was wonderful and everything that I expected.

I took my time getting to know him before eventually agreeing to meet him for dinner.

I wanted everything to be perfect so I got my hair done, my nails done and I picked out a cute outfit.

I was in heaven with thoughts of this man being the one.

I was nervous and anxious; my palms were sweaty and I even had to visit a gas station rest room twice on the way to the restaurant.

Don’t ask!

When I walked into the restaurant he was waiting for me in the lobby with a big smile on his handsome face.

He gave me a hug hello and complimented how beautiful I looked.

He opened the door for me, pulled out my chair and did all of those gentlemen things that a woman expects on a date.

The conversation was great with no awkwardness.

He had numerous cute and funny stories about his children and I was laughing so hard at each one.

One of his children likes to run around his house nude while the other one is obsessed with red socks.

How cute is that?

I could tell he was a great father simply by the way his eyes shined when he talked about his children. I really liked that.

I was enjoying myself.

I was watching his lips as he spoke and I was checking out his outfit.

Oooh did he look sharp and boy did he smell good too!

I was thinking how great this guy was. I was imagining us holding hands on the beach walking with our children running ahead of us.

Yeah, that’s how much I liked this man.

We talked about the fact that Halloween was fast approaching and we talked about what the kids would be dressing as.

Superman

Cinderella

Transformer

I was happy when he asked if I dressed up for Halloween. I do, it’s my favorite holiday ever! I was excited as I reached into my purse and pulled out a picture of myself dressed up as a big fat ballerina.

We both laughed over the picture.

He reached into his pocket and brought out his wallet. I was thinking how great it was to finally meet a man that likes Halloween as much as I do.

He gave me a playful warning “Are you sure you want to see this? It is a bit… um… out there” he said.

After some flirty back and forth he finally pulled out a picture of himself dressed up in woman’s lingerie.

GASP!

I immediately didn’t know what to think but I quickly brushed it off as just a Halloween costume.

He had a black top hat on, black fishnet hose and a red lace teddy; his lips were in a pouty pucker and frankly he was wearing way too much blush.

I found myself looking in a certain area to find a certain appendage which was nowhere in sight.

His red platform heels were easily five inches high.

His legs were long, thin and shapely.

I was starting to feel a tinge of jealousy!

I told him it was daring of him to dress like that for Halloween and it must have been a hit at whatever Halloween party he went to.

We laughed and laughed until he pulled out another picture of himself. Yes, another one!

This time he was wearing a studded padded leather bra with matching leather panties.

“Oh, is this another Halloween costume?” I asked being optimistic, but I knew better.

He said that he always wears woman’s lingerie because it makes him feel sexy. He explained that he likes the way the fabric feels along his testicles and he loves the feeling of a thong between his butt cheeks.

Gosh, I can’t make this stuff up!

He showed me picture after picture of him dressed up in fancy lingerie; some with feathers and some with lace. In one picture he was handcuffed to a bed post and in another one he was displaying a whip wrapped around his neck.

Pictures of him bending over, sitting down with his legs wide open. I looked at each picture like a confused deer caught in the headlights.

With each picture I kept thinking to myself “Where is his penis?” Was it just freakishly small and undetectable or was it tucked and duct taped away?

Online dating is kind of like a box of chocolates because you never know what you are going to get (just imagine me saying that in my best Forest Gump voice ever!). The guy that seems so perfect and great might end up with some sort of fetish or kookiness that you simply cannot get past. To make matters more confusing is the fact that we are so optimistic and perhaps a bit desperate. If you speak to ten men online nine of them will be jerks and the tenth one will be a freak of nature.

Sometimes we just want it to work so badly that we miss the important signs or red flags.

I am just really blessed and grateful that I found someone. It took me a long time but with patience and persistence I finally found him. I finally have my happily ever after.

This and That

2011-11-08T13:01:00.002-05:00

Halloween was cancelled in our town because of a snow storm. Can you believe it? Actually the damage was pretty intense; lots of down wires and trees and people without heat or electricity. Our town delayed Trick or Treating until later in the week. However, I did manage to take the kids Trick or Treating anyway by driving them around other towns and also by taking them to stores and the mall.

Ah, the storm caused my electric to go out which did something to a circuit board on my furnace. We have been without heat for well over a week. The repair guy ordered the part and he should be fixing it at some point tomorrow if the part comes in.

The part is going to cost me somewhere in the 300.00 range. Yeah, that sort of pisses me off but we need heat so there is not much I can do about it except pay it. Sometimes I feel like a dog chasing its own tail.

This past weekend we had Julian alone because Jacob and Winterlyn went to a family wedding. It was really nice focusing just on him and showering him with well deserved attention. Sometimes with three kids it is hard to spend that individual alone time, so we were grateful for the opportunity.

We took him out to dinner on Friday night and on Saturday we purchased a new winter jacket for him. He was so excited because the jacket is Captain America! It has been rather difficult getting the jacket off of him!

We also visited a few other stores and had dinner out at a really cozy Chinese restaurant in town.

On Sunday we had a lot of fun jumping in leaves and piling them on top of him while we raked. He is just too cute; my forever baby boy.

I am looking forward to tonight because it is Tuesday! Every weeknight I am driving the kids to their activities except for Tuesday. We are really looking forward to re-connecting, eating an non-rushed family dinner together and maybe taking a walk since it is rather warm out today.

Five Question Friday

2011-11-04T14:09:00.001-04:00

1. What movie do you love to quote?

My favorite quote is from The Notebook: “So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, you and me, every day. Will you do something for me, please? Just picture your life for me? 30 years from now, 40 years from now? What's it look like?”

2. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?
I rode a motorcycle a few times when I was in HS because my older brother had one. There is just no way would I ever go on one now!

3. What's your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?
Stay in bed and read, sleep, wake up and read some more.

4. Do you prefer a bunch of small gifts, or one really big, (expensive) gift?
I really love the little small gifts that my children make me. No expensive “thing” could ever compare.

5. Do you ever lose track of days and show up somewhere wrong?
Yes! It is hard keeping up with it all sometimes. I have been known to pick up a kid too early or too late or not at all! I will get the phone call “Mommy, where are you?” and I am like “Oh snap!!!”

Thursday Two Questions

2011-11-03T11:27:00.001-04:00

1) Are you considered a quiet or talkative person?

2) Do you think it is harder to get to know someone that is quiet?

I am very much a quiet person. I have spent so much of my life trying to be outgoing and talkative but at age 40 I have learned that I am perfect just the way I am. I remember being the quiet one in the family and constantly being compared to my outgoing sister; drove me crazy.

I remember my nickname in the family was “Weirdo” and I was always referred to as the black sheep.

I tend to be chatty with close friends and family, otherwise I keep to myself. I will never be the life of the party and I will never feel cozy in a large group setting; just not my thing.

I listen more than I talk, which I think is a quality more people should have.

My being quiet always seems to make other people uneasy. I tend to think that overly chatty people are insecure and I wonder what they are trying to hide. It is like they are putting on a show to distract me from the truth.

The only reason why it is hard for people to know me fully is because they have so many misconceptions about my quietness. I have been told that I come off as stuck up or antisocial.

People also assume that there is something wrong with me; either they think I am sad, worried, unintelligent or a closet psychopath.

Now that my children are getting older I can see how each of them have my personality. My oldest has my shyness. My daughter has my stubbornness and quick wit and my youngest has my tendency to keep to myself in a group situation. All three of my children are very lighthearted, creative, loving and sensitive.

Sometimes the kids surprise me by switching things up. One day Jacob is quiet and the next is he a chatter box. Sometimes Julian is the life of the party while Winterlyn is quiet. Nothing is in stone when it comes to them and it all depends on how they are feeling at that particular moment.

This has helped me a great deal in accepting my own quietness because it reminds me that our personalities are based on many factors and we cannot change the core of who we are as individuals.

The key word is “individuals”.

The only ingredient in getting to know a quiet person, or anyone for that matter, is the acceptance that we are all different.

Mommy, I need about 60.00 for the Book Fair. Is that ok?

2011-11-02T16:35:00.001-04:00

Julian is the type of kid that will call me up at work and chatter on an on before I even say the word “Hello”.

Today’s phone call was about the Book Fair and all of the books that he wants.

Julian: “Mommy, I need about 60.00 for the Book Fair. Is that ok?”

Me: “No Honey, not really. How many books to you want?”

Julian: “Just a few”

Me: “But why does it cost 60.00?”

Julian: “Ok, one book is about Star Wars, it is 29.99. Another book is about Star Wars that that one is 9.99.”

Me: “Ok Julian, when I get home I will look over your list”

Julian: “There is another book for 12.00 and another one for 3.00”

Me: “Ok Baby, I will look at it as soon as I get home”

Julian: “And there is a book for 3.99. This is really the book that I want”

Me: “Julian, I will look at it all when I get home. Can you call me back in a little bit? I have work on my desk that I need to do”

Julian: “Oh I hear your printer printing. What are you printing? Can you print out coloring pages for me? I like to color at school during my breaks”

Me: “Ok Honey, I will print out some coloring pages for you but I really need to go now”

Julian: “Mommy, what are you printing?’

Me: “Julian I really have to go”

Julian: “I know but what are you printing?”

Me: “Just something for work”

Julian: “That’s no fun”

Me: “I know!”

Julian: “Ok, I really got to go now. I have work to do”

Me: “You have work to do? What are you doing?”

Julian: “Really Mommy I have got to go...”

Me: “Ok honey”

Julian: “So, can you give me 60.00?”

Me: “I will look at the list when I get home Honey”

Julian: “Ok, but I want one book that is 29.99. Is that too much?”

Me: “I don’t know. It all depends on the book”

Julian: “Well, it is a very big book!”

Me: “Ok, I really need to hang up now”

Julian: “Are you still printing my coloring pages?”

Me: “No, I am printing for work”

Julian: “But I asked for pages. Do you want me to tell you what kind of pages I like? I like Ben10, Toy Story, and Star Wars…..”

Fill in the blanks Friday

2011-10-28T16:35:00.000-04:00

1. When I was a kid I wanted to be an..... Artist and a Mom when I grew up.

2. As an adult, my dream job would be..... something where I am able to either be home with my children or at least be home for when they got off the school bus.

3. When I was younger I wanted to be just like.... my oldest sister Theresa .

4. The childhood Halloween costume that I remember most was when I was.... a clown because I made it myself with construction paper and pom poms .

5. My favorite childhood toy was... Finger-paints .

6. The time I got into the biggest amount of trouble when I was a kid was when.... I walked out of English class in the 12th grade. We were taking turns reading out loud and I was so nervous that I packed up my books and left running for home. By the time I got home the Principle had already called my parents.

7. I get daily inspiration from... my children .

I'm dreaming of a white Halloween...

2011-10-28T10:47:00.002-04:00

How exciting is THAT?

My boyfriend and I are like two kids because we are excited about being snowed in. We have logs for the fire and plenty of hot chocolate. Oh and NO KIDS!

LET IT SNOW

LET IT SNOW

LET IT SNOW!

It will be a weekend of staying in our PJ’s and lazing about.

Did I mention that we will have NO KIDS?

Monday is Halloween! Hurray! The kids are all ready but I still have no idea what I am going to be. GASP!

Jacob is going to be a cowboy. He said the only reason why he wants to be a cowboy is because he wants to say “Dawg Diggidy” as often as possible.

Winterlyn is a bee, so cute! Hmm.. maybe I should be a bear?

Julian is going to be Darth Vader; he has been wearing his costume nightly for over a week!

There is going to be a lot of candy in my house; chocolate! I got to be strong. No juicy juicy yummy chocolate for me.

Well, maybe just a few tiny pieces.

Pom Pom Scarf

2011-10-27T12:57:00.002-04:00

Bubbly Nature Creations: Pom Pom Scarf

This scarf is so adorable and so easy to make!!!

This is what Winterlyn and I will be making tonight...

2011-10-19T14:54:00.002-04:00

We will be making this lamp shade with coffee filters. Yes, coffee filters! How cute is this? All ya gotta do is glue each filter onto the lamp shade with a hot glue gun..... so freaking easy!

Click HERE to see how it is done.

S’mores Cake in a Jar from How Sweet It Is

2011-10-19T14:29:00.000-04:00

Oh I MUST make these! But wait, I am starting my low carb diet tomorrow. Oh snap! Well, heck I am going to make them anyway! : )

I found this on How Sweet It Is. Check it out and after you make them please ship them to my house ASAP!

A shitty situation

2011-10-19T13:24:00.001-04:00

On Saturday the kids were away so my boyfriend and I were excited to spend the day together.

After having a very yummy lunch we decided to take a car ride to explore a bit. We were looking for some cute craft, gift or antique stores to visit and window shop. The fall leaves were so pretty and I was getting a kick out of the houses with spooky Halloween decorations.

However, my stomach started that familiar rumble. I thought to myself “Oh no, not now!”

He and I were chatting about something but honestly I have no idea what I was saying “Uh huh” and “Yes” to because all I kept thinking about was my situation and how to ask him to find a bathroom in a graceful way.

I held on for as long as I could before I finally said “Honey?”

“Yes?” he said in his concerned voice.

“I will need a bathroom in about five minutes”

He immediately knew what my situation was because I felt the car move faster and I saw his eyes search the roads.

“Hmm... well I hope I can find a clean bathroom for you quickly”

He is a patient man because he said nothing when he heard me order the salad that was loaded with cheese.

He knows I am Lactose Intolerant but yet he just watched as I ate every single piece of cheese that was on my salad, ignoring the healthy green stuff.

Really, I should have just ordered a slab of cheese and ate it on a Port-A-Potty.

We drove to a church in hopes that it would be open.

Nope.

We drove a bit more and saw signs for a hospital. We looked at each other and I swear I saw a light bulb turn on over his head.

“That’s where I will take you!” he said with a grin on his face.

We laughed as he joked about driving to the Emergency area and dropping me off.

“No, seriously are you able to walk?” he said.

We found a parking spot and I jumped out of the car.

However, he seemed to take forever to get out of the car. I was thinking “Come on. Come on. Come on!”

As we walked towards the main entrance he started chatting about something but I was again not paying attention to him.

In desperation I said “Hurry up Honey!” as I grabbed his hand and started walking as fast as I could drag him.

He was laughing and I was praying to Jesus that I would not poop my granny panties.

When we got into the building our eyes quickly spotted the bathroom in the lobby but a pesky Security Officer stopped us.

Without skipping a beat and while walking past the Security Officer I said “He just has to use the bathroom”

Oh you should have seen the look on my boyfriends face when he said “I have to use the bathroom, huh?”

When I got out of the bathroom I was so red with embarrassment. He was laughing as he said “See how much I love you? I took you to a Hospital for your Lactose Intolerance!”

He is the reason why I put on my Super Single Mom cape every single day.

2011-10-12T11:01:00.002-04:00

Last night we had some errands to run but right before we left the house Julian stopped me at the door by grabbing into my waist and saying “Mommy, please stay with me tonight. I don’t want you to leave my side at all”.

Me: “What do you mean?”

Julian: “When I return the books at the library I want you to come with me and when I find a book to bring home I want you to look with me. I want us to be stuck together like glue because I never want to leave you”

Since it was a pretty night we decided to walk. As we walked he was holding onto my waist the entire time to the library.

He was chatting away about Star Wars, Ben 10, Goosebumps and his latest Lego creations.

I was saying “yes” and “uh huh” and “oh really?” because sometimes I feel my eight year old is FAR more intelligent than me.

Details are his thing. When he likes a subject he tends to learn every single little thing about that subject with such passion.

He has such an amazing mind.

When we were done at the library he held onto my waist the entire walk to the supermarket. This time he talked about all the books he read and all the books he wants to read. He wants a GIANT collection of Goosebumps books and he said he can’t stand Harry Potter books because they are so predictable.

Yeah, he said “predictable”!

I said “Honey, I tried to read a Harry Potter book once and got lost by the first chapter!”

He said “Mommy, that’s because they are dull!”

Once we got into the supermarket Winterlyn ran to get the eggs and Jacob ran to get the sandwich bags. Julian said “Mommy, I am going to stick by you forever and ever. You are everything and I just love you so much today”.

Me: “I am going to stick by you too, forever and no matter what. Sometimes you and I get frustrated with each other but there will never ever be a reason that I would stop loving you or being your best friend”

Julian: “You are my BFF, we are like PB&J. I am the Jelly”

Me: “We are like peas and carrots; I am the peas because I am sort of round!”

Julian: “I am the carrots because I really like carrots”

My son is Autistic and ever since he was a tiny baby there was some sort of disconnect between us. It was not a big one, but it was there; a tiny little wall that I just could not break or even jump over.

I remember holding him in the hospital for the first time and knowing something was wrong because although he was looking at me it was like he was looking through me.

It felt like I could have been anyone when all I wanted was to be Mom.

It was hard; so freaking hard because I felt that way more often than I care to admit and I always blamed myself for it; mothers guilt. Gosh, I just wanted full access to my son and that stupid little wall always got in the way.

However, since the diagnosis I have learned how to connect with my child and break down that little wall. I can honestly say this has been one of my greatest accomplishments to date; breaking down that wall.

I was shocked to recently read that 1 out of every 114 children in the state of New Jersey have a diagnosis of Autism. If this is the case than why do ‘we’ feel so alone when it comes to understanding and getting support/services for his Autism?

There is nothing that I would not do for Julian and he is the reason why I put on my Super Single Mom cape every single day.

Full Moon

2011-10-11T03:35:00.002-04:00

Me: “Did you hear that?”

Scratch scratch scratch

Him: “No”

Oh he heard it but he didn’t want to admit it!

Me: “You have a mouse in your wall!”

Him: “Hmm, yeah. I think I might or it could just be the wind against the house”

Me: “um, no that is a mouse!”

I started inching the blankets up over my head.

Him: “Aww, maybe he got cold outside”

Me: “Cold?”

Silence except for the scratch scratch scratch.

Me: “It’s going to get in you know!”

He said it was impossible for a little mouse to chew its way into the bedroom.

Me: “I am serious!”

He said he had no problem with a little mouse in his wall. They are cute after all!

Me: “Cute?”

He told me about a mouse that used to come into his house. He would trap him and let him go but the next night he would end up trapping him again. He knew it was the same mouse because of a mark on its ear.

Me: “Seriously?”

I fussed and he smiled. I complained about the noise and he just grinned.

Me: “it’s going to eat you!!!”

I fussed some more and he made mouse noises as he tickled me.

Eventually he got up and grabbed his flashlight to investigate. I guess he realized I was not amused or maybe he realized that I was going to nag him until he did.

Whatever the reason, there he was, nude bent over looking in the corner of his room for a mouse.

He said “Hmm, I don’t see a mouse here. He is quiet too, must have fallen asleep or maybe I scared it away”.

Clearly, there was a full moon that night.

My house will always be shocking.

2011-10-10T15:48:00.001-04:00

Mother, oh mother, come shake out your cloth

Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,

Hang out the washing and butter the bread,

Sew on the button and make up a bed.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?

She’s up in the nursery blissfully rocking!

Oh I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue

(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

Dishes are waiting and bills are past due -

(Pat-a-cake, darling and peek peek-a-boo,)

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew

And out in the yard there’s a hullabalou,

But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo

Look aren’t her eyes the most beautiful blue!

(Lullaby, rockaby, lullaby loo).

The after school phone call

2011-10-10T13:57:00.000-04:00

I was going on and on about chores, homework and what we had to do once I got home from work. He quickly interrupted me by saying “Mom, I am getting another call right now. I will talk to you later”.

Me: “Jacob, I don’t think we have call waiting!”

Jacob: “Oh. You don’t hear that beep beep beep? What do I do, just hang up on you?”

Me: “Are you just trying to get your mother off the phone?”

Jacob: “Nah, what makes you think that?”

Me: “Well, we don’t have call waiting and even if we did you don’t hung up on your mother because someone is calling.”

Long silence

Jacob: “Well, what if it is someone important?”

Me: “Who is more important than your mother?”

Jacob: “Could be the Pope?”

Me: “We are not Catholic”

Long silence

Me: “Jacob?”

Jacob: “Seriously, I got to go right now. I don’t have time to talk to you”

Me: “Why not?”

Jacob: “Well, you are cutting into my snack eating schedule and I really don’t appreciate that. I'm getting the sensation!”

Me: “Are you eating my York Peppermint Patties?”

Jacob: “Yep, and since you are at work there isn’t a darn thing you can do about it, huh?”

Me: “Jacob!

Jacob: “I got to go now…”

Me: “Don’t you dare hang up on me?”

Jacob: “Oh why would I hang up on my mother? I mean that is not something that I would do to my mother. Now is it? Nah, I would never hang up on my mother. Never, nah….”

Me: “Are you actually going to hang up on me, aren’t you?”

Long silence

Me: “Jacob? Hello? Jacob?”

I know when I get home tonight I am going to find a messy house, three happy kids and York Peppermint Patty wrappers everywhere.

Oh My God!

2011-10-06T17:04:00.000-04:00

(This is my “angry at myself” post)

On Sunday I started showing signs of a lovely and ever so stinging UTI.

I knew I had to go to the Doctor but I also knew we only had 133.00 in our checking account.

I called my mom to see if she had any old antibiotics, she did and I took them. I also picked up a cheap over the counter medicine to help with the pain/symptoms.

Needless to say the UTI got worse and worse and I was thinking “Well, if I go to the Doctor I will spend 20.00 on the co-pay plus whatever the prescription is, oh no I can’t do that. I will wait until payday”.

The thought of my account falling below 100.00 was enough for me to go into a panic! Unexpected expenses always pop up and I always have to be prepared.

I waited painfully until payday for my appointment and I truly suffered in silence because A) An UTI is rather embarrassing and B) I didn’t want anyone to know that I have only 133.00 in my checking account and C) I didn’t want anyone to “offer” to pay for my co-pay or prescription because I am just WAY too proud for THAT (which really means I need to get off my freaking high horse!).

Yesterday I was dying for 5pm to come so that I could race to the Doctor.

I took the kids to the Doctor with me and while in the room I did the typical “Julian, don’t do that” and “Jacob, leave your sister alone” and “Winterlyn, stop tapping on that!”

Guess what?

My blood pressure was so freaking high. Like heart attack high. Boy I was scared and confused and I was trying to figure it all out but everything seemed to be in slow motion.

Kids

Heart attack

Stroke

Death

My kids need me.

What, my blood pressure is high?

My head was racing and the room was spinning.

My pulse was sky rocket too.

The Doctor was talking to me while Julian was talking to me while Jacob was talking on the phone while Winterlyn was singing while my phone was going off.

I snapped!

“BE QUIET!!!!!” is what I screamed as I slammed my hands down on the table.

The Doctor asked the kids to leave and wow did they look worried when they left the room, which seemed to also be in slow motion.

The Doctor was telling me that I am under too much stress and that I need to relax so that he can take my blood pressure again. I was thinking “what is he talking about? What stress?”

After ten minutes he took my blood pressure again and it was still not normal but not sky rocket high.

I tried to talk to him about it but he seemed so quick with me and he seemed to not be concerned. And, perhaps I was still in a fog.

I was told to take Yoga classes (yeah, when do I have time for that?).

I was also told that I should work out (again, when?).

And finally he wants me to see some specialist to with weight loss (how much money is this going to cost me?).

Later that night while picking up the prescription the Pharmacist took my blood pressure and it was normal.

Lesson learned. These kids are slowly killing me.

No, I am just kidding.

Really the lesson is the fact that I am not taking care of myself. It is all about the kids and not about me. What insane woman goes days with a freaking UTI just because she does not want to spend the money?

Me!

And the sad part is the fact that I have a bunch of medical things that I have been “putting off until I can afford it” or “until I have time” or “I will do that when I am better able to organize my time” or “I can’t do that because of ”

These little medical things are adding up and frankly one day I will run out of time to do anything about them because either it will be too late or I will be six feet under.

And how is THAT putting my children first?

I think I broke down in hysterics (as in uncontrollable laughter and crying while crossing my legs while I tinkled in my pants) when we left the pharmacy and all three kids started asking for something:

Julian: “I am hungry!”

Jacob: “Can we get a Frosty?”

Winterlyn: “Let’s pick up a chocolate cake!”

Jacob: “Oh, yeah cake sounds good!”

Julian: “Can I get a toy?”

Winterlyn: “I am picking out the cake!”

Jacob: “You picked it out last time”

Julian: “Mommy, I really need those gloves from Party City for Halloween”

Spank me!

2011-10-03T11:08:00.003-04:00

I know it was been over a week since I posted, ah dear reader I am such the bad blogger.

Spank me!

Just kidding, this is not THAT kind of blog.

I don’t know, life has been bananas since school started. The only night free that I have is Tuesdays.

Boy do we make the most of our Tuesdays. Usually I have a hot meal waiting for us thanks to my house appliance husband (his name is Crockpot). The kids and I usually snuggle and watch TV, it is wonderful.

We love Tuesdays.

I was thinking the other day about how busy these kids keep me. There really is no time for the things that I want to do, such as college or farting around the house in my cozy and old PJ’s.

Sigh.

I feel like a fool because I actually believed people when they said things would get easier as the kids get older! Ha! What a crock of shit that is.

Between Boy Scouts, Pioneer Girls, Lego Club, Cub Scouts, Guitar lessons I am one busy taxi driving mama.

Oh and playdates! My gosh the playdates are enough to drive me up the wall.

It’s worth it, I know. And, I will get into the swing of things soon enough.

I have made a decision about this year that is sort of big for me. I am NOT going to volunteer for anything. I am so done with the PTA stuff, class mom crap, Boy Scouts, fund raisers and such. I don’t have the time anymore and it honestly just makes my life more stressful.

I have enough on my plate with just the day to day stuff.

A lesson that I learned; volunteering does not make me a better parent. The kids really could care less and it takes time away from them, so why do it?

I really just can’t justify it anymore.

And I am so tired of the whole Harper Valley PTA attitude and feeling unappreciated.

I will now be the mom that drops her kids off and picks them up, and nada else.

It is going to be lovely.

Oh so PTA moms don’t EVEN ask me to bring in cookies for snack or volunteer for this or that.. so not going to happen ever again.

My Super BUSY Super Single Mom Week in review:

2011-09-23T11:20:00.001-04:00

Sunday:
I had a sick Julian on my hands. Also, everyone was sleepy from Bob and Beth’s wedding. I did manage to do some yard work while the kids were still asleep in the morning. Sort of a blah day, we didn’t even make it to church! GASP.

At church I met a nice older man that insists that I call him Uncle Jerry. We like to sit together because the both of us go to church alone, he is too cute and I am sure he was thinking “Where is Crystal??”

I go with the kids but they each have their own Sunday schools to attend, soo…

Monday:
Everyone was sick and home. We did zip all day except watch old movies like The Iron Giant, Tangled and The Lion King.

Tuesday:
I told him that I was dying for a York Peppermint Patty and guess what he sent to my job? A cute pumpkin filled with York Peppermint Patties and Snickers. I did eat most of them in under two seconds, so good.

Wednesday:
This was my run around like a chicken day. I had to be in two places at the same time; Boy Scouts and Back To School Night. Not fun. I was under the impression that the ex hubs was going to go to the Boy Scout meeting but he was a no show. No big deal, I got this. He didn’t tell me directly that he was going but he did tell Jacob, which I think is a bit worse.

But dear reader on a side note I need to stop. I do not know why but as the years go on I am developing more “hate” for the ex-husband. I used to be able to tolerate it and let it roll off my back but not anymore. It eats me up. I need to stop this, I need to forgive.

So, how do I do that?

I have been through so many horrible things in my life and I attribute my resilience on my ability to quickly forgive. However, with him I just don’t even know how.

Thursday:
Guitar lessons! Julian, Winterlyn and I love taking a walk during the half hour that Jacob is at his lesson. Last night was awesome because we were able to walk up to a deer. It was so cute but in the back of my mind I was thinking “oh my gosh what if she gets scared and attacks us!”. Well, she did get scared and ran past us, which made us run in the opposite direction. Nothing like a bit of excitement on our Thursday night!

I really didn’t know I could run that FAST!

When it was all over Julian said “Mommy, lets find another deer!” and I was like “Um.. no, lets not”.

After the lesson we went and did some food shopping. I have to admit, whenever I use one of those self check-out things I get rather crabby! What is up with that? I find myself telling the kids “don’t touch that!” and “Shh.. be quiet!” and “don’t scan that!!”.

So, I am thinking I should avoid all self check-outs, whatcha think? : )

Or, perhaps the kids should avoid me while I am at the self-checkout? I personally think that will never happen because I think they like watching the “Mom Vs Machine” show!!

Jacob: “I am going to scan this.. I am going to do it.. yes I am” as he slowly pushes the item on the scanner thingy.

Me: “Stop it Jacob!!”

Jacob: “I’m gonna do it….” with the biggest grin you have EVER seen.

Ah!

Friday:
Tonight we are going to the movies. Thanks to family we have several gift cards for the local movie theater. I have no idea what the kids want to see BUT I am going to have a minivan full of kids since Jacob and Julian are both bringing their BFF’s.

Saturday:
I really want to go pumpkin and apple picking on Saturday BUT my house is a hot mess. I wish I can just leave it alone and enjoy the Fall day but messes grow into bigger messes quickly.

Stupid laundry, why?

I have reached the point where I realize I need help with certain things. Stuff if breaking, falling apart and I cannot do it alone. Jacob is wonderful, but he can only help so much. So, this proud stubborn mama is going to reach out to some friends and see if someone will lend a hand.

Why is it so hard for me to ask for help? If I cannot do it on my own I feel like a failure and in the past when people helped they always wanted something in return.

It’s like selling your soul to the Devil sometimes, so I avoid it.

Alternating weekends?

2011-09-20T16:48:00.002-04:00

The ex-husband and I have a visitation schedule where he receives the children every other weekend, Friday through Sunday.

This means, if one weekend I have them the next weekend he has them.

That seems rather simple to me.

On the rare occasion things happen and I need to ask him to “switch” weekends, which is something he will not do. Instead he will give up his weekend, completely.

To me switching means instead of him having them I will have them but the following weekend he will have them; that’s alternating.

Court documents say alternating weekends. There are no set weekends, it is not in stone, there are no actual specific dates noted, just alternating weekends.

When he does this sort of thing it means that the kids don’t see their father for a three week stretch, easily.

When I questioned him he said it is because I asked to switch weekends. I explained to him about alternating weekends, and he said that if he took them on my weekend it would mean that he would have the kids an “extra” weekend. Huh? Are you confused by his logic? I know I am.

He had the children the week of August 27th through September 3rd, because he took them on vacation. That was the last time he had any visitation with them in September.

Does he think that because he had them for an entire week the kids are OK with not seeing him for an entire month? But.. that is not how children operate!

Yes he calls them and sends texts, but is that really enough?

He told the kids that he will see them in October.

I am a bystander who is confused by it all! How can he not miss his children and how come the kids don’t seem to care that they are not seeing their father?

I see the connection between my children and their father getting further and further apart. Walls are starting to come up and I am powerless because there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it.

Scrapbook Freebies

2011-09-20T03:09:00.002-04:00

I found this freebie on Girl Talk, so cute. Click HERE to download for free.

Love this quick page from

Click HERE to download for free.

Girl Scout Scrapbook freebie, WOW! What a find! Thank you Kit Cart.

Click HERE to download for free.

Cutie with a fever, Teen with a sore throat and a crabby girl with a splitting headache.

2011-09-19T14:13:00.001-04:00

That is what my day is all about, sick children. All three.

It started out with just Julian having a fever and next thing I knew it was all three feeling funky.

Poor pookies!

We have been eating popcorn, chicken noodle soup (minus the chicken.. ha!) and watching movies.

Of course my mind is on work because this is my last personal/vacation day until January. Yeah, I am up a creek without a paddle!

I have a sitter lined up for the rest of the week.. just in case.

So, anyway.. back to the popcorn. I have the best recipe for popcorn EVER. You have go to try it!

Ingredients:

1/4 cup vegetable oil
3 tablespoons margarine
1/2 cup unpopped popcorn
1/2 teaspoon seasoned salt, or to taste

Directions:

1.Start by cutting a paper grocery sack in half. This will serve as a makeshift serving bowl and it will absorb excess oil.

2.In a 2 quart pot, combine the oil, margarine and popcorn. Set over high heat, and constantly shake the pan back and forth. After the first kernel of corn pops, place the lid on the pot, and continue shaking. When the popcorn starts to lift the lid up off the pan, remove it from the heat, and hold it over the paper bag until it stops popping.

3.Pour into the paper sack and season with half of the seasoned salt. Shake the paper sack to distribute the salt. Taste before adding more so you don't make it too salty. You can always add more salt.

Mr and Mrs

2011-09-18T11:05:00.000-04:00

Party Time!

2011-09-18T10:55:00.001-04:00

The kids and I had a really good time!

The food was seriously yummy and wow did I love the wine. I never had wine that I liked but this stuff was sweet. I wanted another glass but Jacob was like "Um, Mommy AHEM.....".

We danced while Jacob took pictures (which I would NEVER post because my ass looks so large in every picture!)

Julian ran around like a chicken, I couldn't keep up with him at all. By midnight he was exhausted and cranky (and believe me Julian never gets cranky.. he is always bundle of energy).

Unity

2011-09-18T10:27:00.001-04:00

Bob and Beth's wedding was at the beach. The ceremony was outside and boy was it cold but so beautiful!

Instead of a unity candle they pured two separate things of sand. Just watching the sand combine together was so powerful.

I watched Julian as he stood next to his father and his two older half brothers, Bobby and Steven. They were rubbing his back when he got the wiggles and they were guiding him as to when he was to bring the rings.

For me the highlight of the wedding was watching my son with his family. He is so loved.

Beth told me that she feels so blessed and honored to be apart of my life and to be the step mother of not only Julian but also Jacob and Winerlyn.

I love how Bob and Beth always have respect for me, how they include me, how they genuinely just want me to be happy, how there is no jealousy or cattiness, how they unconditionally love me and how they love each of my three children as their own.

And, it is not just Beth and Bob is is everyone connected to them. Their friends and family adore my children and I am always accepted with open arms.

It is a shame that I don't have any of this with my ex husband but because of Bob and Beth Jacob and Winterlyn are able to experience what a healthy co-parenting relationship and family looks like.

Jacob and Winterlyn know that I have tried for years with their father and his family... until I reached the point where I realized that I had to shut the door, detach and love from a distance. They know why I created this distance, they agreed and they now tell me they like it better because life is more peaceful.

The BIG Wedding Day

2011-09-18T08:44:00.001-04:00

Yes, I cried!
Not only did I cry but I felt some serious closure and a whole lotta love.
The morning of the wedding was crazy. The kids and I ran around for some last minute stuff and we ended up "late" to the wedding. However, because it was chilly outside the ceremony was delayed a bit, so it worked out great for this slow poke.
When we got there arms were open wide.
Julian looked so so so handsome in his Tux!

Winterlyn looked all grown up in her gown.

And Jacob kept saying "it's really too bad I cannot wear this outfit to school because I look really HOT"
You should have seen all the teenage girls checking him out! GASP! Back off ladies, he is not allowed to date until he is at least 45.

I promise to write more about the wedding and post pictures. This morning we didn't get home until 2am and the kids are still fast asleep right now.

But before I start my day I just want to show you how happy my Julian was on this very special day. He said he wants to save everything so that he can remember it forever.

Sophia

2011-09-18T00:00:00.001-04:00

Sophia was too adorable yesterday.
Whenever she sees us getting ready to leave the house she becomes very clingy. It was nearly impossible to get dressed without her wanting to jump up and sleep on your lap.

I am really happy that she is now crate free. She was home alone free in the house for a very long time and she did great.

I love happy endings

2011-09-16T12:06:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow is the big wedding, I am getting nervous! Is that funny or what? I mean I am just a guest after all.

Well, I am more than a guest. I am Julian’s mom and this is a really big day for him. He will remember this day for the rest of his life. The day his father got married.

I am very happy that I can be a part of it. I am also happy that Jacob and Winterlyn can be a part of it too.

I am excited to see him walk down the aisle with a tux on. I hope I don’t cry! I know Winterlyn will say “Awwww.. look at Julian!” and Jacob will have his big happy grin in place.

But yes, it is very much a happy ending. I am sure some of my readers are very confused by this statement. However, there was at time when I thought all that Julian had was me, Jacob and Winterlyn.

It was a scary and lonely time. I don’t like raising my Julian alone. Midnight feedings, seizures, toddler years, potty training, preschool, Autism… I really needed Julian’s father but wow was he an ass.

There, I said it. He knows it, I know it.. heck we all know it!

However, everything has changed since Bob met Beth. Julian now has a devoted and involved father and he will have a wonderful step mother.

This is proof that when someone truly loves you they bring out the best in you.